You know, I'm not in a very good mood right now and I want to complain about some things but my Political Correctness keeps holding me back. So the rage is turning inwards, dear readers, turning inwards. But we cannot restrain the tide of fury forever, can we? So every now and then it surfaces and manifests itself in URGES OF WANTON VIOLENCE; like on Saturday when I went to IKEA. Phew-ee! I had to grip that sharp, short, free little IKEA pencil with a vice-like grip to stop the carnage I could have wrought with it! Stab! Stab! Stab! Like in Psycho!

I blame the arrows. They have painted arrows on the floor and herd everyone around the shop in the same direction like sheep between the cheap furniture and the instore restaurant. It smells like cabbage constantly in there.Who can withstand the psychological, psychotic trigger of the smell of cabbage, for goodness' sake?! ANd who wants to buy crab paste from Sweden, from IKEA, anyhow??
Ho! Ho! But there was a time when we got our own back dear readers, one brilliant time of reckoning! Yours truly and her little accomplice (Pig Number One) pre-set the entire basket of egg timers in the kitchen department to all go off together (with a few staggered to go off as little annoyances after that). MWA HA HA! TAKE THAT CORPORATE GLOBAL MOGUL!
Then, AND THEN, there was the time (dare I tell you?) that we WALKed AGAINST THE DIRECTION OF THE POINTING ARROWS! Yeah! We shall overcome! Don't mess with the little people! Move over, Yoko.

At IKEA everything, from dining chairs to shelves and bathroom mirrors to tea towels, has a Swedish name bestowed on it by its designer. Do you suppose they pre-fabricate their umlauts too? I think they just make up fjordenflergenbrrmonnen names for things and stick an umlaut anywhere it'll look good! Have you noticed those little circle things, like degrees, that occur over the odd letter A? That's the difference with Asian rubbish and European rubbish: your bonus, classsy umlaut or krouzek ! There's nothing ickier than IKEA.


And I'm cheesed off with TomKat's wedding. Tom Cruise (hang on, there is something ickier than IKEA...) is standing on a box in that photo, isn't he? WHo cares about their 'wedding' anyway? Why did it have to be on the front page of the paper yesterday? Duh! Editors are so dumb. Oh I KNOW people are interested and that is why the editor did it. But people are only interested because other editors played into Xenu the Warrior Prince's hand! Cheesed, cheesed off!
The Catholics wouldn't be manipulated and let Tom and Katie get hitched in a fancy cathedral, so they rent a bloody castle somewhere and get a sickening stream of sucky celebs to turn up for maximum magazine-appeal. How rude not inviting Oprah! (How shrewd.) I don't like this whole King and Queen and Princess thing Tom Cruise is trying to sell. THat little place in Italy was just used. Cirque de Soleil should do its next theme on that wedding.

Hmph.

It's only a couple of weeks till the Summer Holidays; so soon there will be an anonymous jones blog black-out till the beginning of February. Better start doing my mental health exercises now.
I usually write a big list of holiday jobs for InstantJim to do, but usually he is sick or injures himself. For example, the infamous time - on the very first day of the holidays - when he was sitting on the couch, had a stretch, yawned, AND PUT HIS BACK OUT. Yup.

Mental health exercises, one two.. one two.....