"AND THEY'RE OFF!"

Australia has always been suspicious of America since 1932 when they killed Phar Lap. Well, that was the theory anyhow.

Today is Melbourne Cup Day!
(Did I hear a 'whoopi-doo" out there in the audience, dear readers?) Don't you know what Melbourne Cup Day is?
It's the day that (supposedly) "stops the nation"; the biggest horse race in Australia!

Yeah, OK, I'm not too over-excited about it either. Not since Phar Lap can't be there.

There is such dreadful ignorance these days. Must I explain about Phar Lap, too? The world is so U.S.A-centric it drives me nuts. But maybe you have seen the movie? Read the book? Done a school project on it?? No? Sigh*

From 1929-1932 Phar Lap, a big red 17hh chestnut race horse, captured the heart of Australia during the Great Depression by, basically, being unbeatable. He was a huge animal with an enormous 6.2kg heart, here is a picture of it:
and he also had buckets of personality and a touching relationship with his strapper the famous Tommy Woodcock.

Many bookies eventually refused to take bets on him because he was so amazing! However, in 1932 his owner took him to America and from there he won a race in Mexico against all odds (the Agua Caliente Handicap) (Al Jolson apparently wrote a jazz song about it) but afterwards Phar Lap was poisoned and died in California. That's worthy of a rap song. Yo.

So, that is the reason why there has always been an undercurrent of resentment toward the Yanks from then till now. Hey, we take our sport seriously! And yes, it has been proven that he was poisoned - with arsenic, in fact! Scientists got a hair from his stuffed body and ran it through a particle accelerator. No one knows for sure the means by which he came across the arsenic. There is one generous theory about him eating some poisoned grass that had been sprayed by the local council. But I think most people go for the mafia theory because gangsters stood to lose a heap of money against him. And also, Americans don't like losing to Australia (just look at the baby-behaviour over the America's Cup in sailing back in the eighties). Actually the U.S.A's reputation is not so good world wide for that, sad to say.

OK you are an American, you feel affronted, you are going to press the little red cross in the top right! Sheesh. Learn to take a bit of national criticism, please!

Oh, fair enough. I guess I am in a bit of a mood. I don't think the Irish are overly happy with Australians at the moment, either.
Hang on, why don't we just blame MEN?? That's better!

Anyway, before I go I'd like to ask for a bit of help. What is the difference between a hat and a fascinator? (This is not a riddle.) Flemington racecourse is going to be chockers full of hats and fascinators today and I'd just like to know the difference. Here are a couple:
In the mean time, I've got some stuff hanging off the ceiling which I think will do. Tally ho!