People call me a hippy but I say, "NO! I'm too young to be a hippy!" I mean, you had to be a teenager in the sixties/seventies didn't you? But they say, "Well, you look like a hippy, and you eat like a hippy and you act like a hippy" and then I say, "Excuse me, this conversation is over. There are trees to hug."

I've just bought another magazine for poor, bored Mum. 122 pages for $3.80 which, according to the calculator function on my mobile, is about 4.6 cents a page. Capitalist pap. But the colour piccies are good and that's what Mum wants, I guess.

"I STILL LOVE JEN!" Brad tells Ange. "Our Recipe for love" Jamie and Jools Oliver tell how they've kept romance on the boil."Free ...at last!"Katie Holmes emerges pale and miserable. They are the classy stories (those which come before cannabis cuddles and killing, a monster burnt my tot in a dryer, and the Elephant Woman no more..) But it is this one that caught my attention the most, "CONTROVERSY: Mary joins Hippie Crusade".

Ah ... Princess Mary! Who could not love our Princess Mary of Denmark? (We provided the Danes with her and they provided us with excellent supermarket jam.) "Mary Queen of Hippies". Apparently Copenhagen has a big hippy commune that has been squatting nearby on an abandoned army base since 1971. The current government are fighting the love, man, and are trying to force them out so they can pave paradise and put up a parking lot. But Mary has come to the rescue and is going to fight for them (which is surprising, really, because our Mary used to be a real estate agent before she married Prince Fred, so she should TECHNICALLY appreciate the location location location argument from The Establishment).

It sounds a pretty groovy place to visit, though; they have a market full of hippy goodies, shady trees and grassy areas and lots of important hand-painted street signs that remind visitors to do things such as " Slow down, use your goat". Now any place that is goat-centred is alright by me .. and Mary, too,, it seems! Clever Mary. I reckon she'll develop the tourist potential there if she wins. Either that or form her own nation.

Anyway, there's not much more in the magazine. Well, only the makeup and recipe pages, but who reads them? (Especially since they probably endorse animal testing and wouldn't know a lentil if it came up and bit them!)

Wait! I spoke too soon! Just after the super crossword, the bogus week-old astrology predictions, the spot-the-difference photos of Sarah Jessica Parker, and the cash-back bonanza competition is a few final pages of "entertainment news" (read "unsubstantiated-hearsay-but-we-are-pretty-sure-we-won't-be-sued-if-we-print-this-news"). And I certainly hope Princess Mary has this edition of New Idea because apparently LIZ HURLEY has announced she wants to quit Hollywood and become a FARMER. She has joined a pig breeders' club and plans to develop a range of organic food. Now, obviously Liz needs a bit of assistance with the pig part of that, and needs to substitute the words "non GMO soya bean", but I reckon Mary could help her out a bit, too! Especially since, in the glossy pic of Liz holidaying in Italy, she is wearing a PAISLEY PRINT tunic dress with beaded ties! So you know what that means, don't you? Yup. Obviously a latent hippy!

I love hippies. If only they hadn't cooked their collective brains on drugs, slept with everyone possible and thrown away all their deoderants they would be RULING THE WORLD BY NOW!!! It's sad, isn't it? It's like the ageing of idealism and the death of potential or what could have been ...

Dear readers, let us form a circle around the world, hum Kumbaya, and hug a hippy today!

Peace out.

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