Cat Ballou

Cat Ballou
Originally uploaded by anonymous jones.

He broke my stepper machine! He broke my beloved stepper! Instant Jim was on it for 55 seconds and he killed my lovely, lovely stepper! Oh, and do you know what he says as its lifeless body is laying in bits on the floor? Do you? He says, "IT SERVES YOU RIGHT".

HUH!

I should have kicked him out the window with my legs of steel for that! "It serves you right", indeed! Well, excuse me for trying to encourage a little fitness and form into someone's life! It serves you right. It serves you right.

............ Now I am busy plotting my revenge. Snicker snicker snicker snicker snicker! >>>>copious amounts of evil laughter<<<<

OH HOW WONDROUS it is to be the one that oils the wheels and keeps everything going! MINE IS THE POWER! Yeah power! I like that word, power: power, power, power, power. Snicker, snicker, snicker, snicker! Well, I just might forget to wash his undies for, mmmm, FOREVER, and (oh dear) suddenly I feel like having my favourite 'tofu lasagne' for tea each night and we can turn totally VEGAN (the horror! the horror!).

Yes [thoughtful, yet sinister expression] : I could take the batteries out of the TV control (simple, yet cruel); or maybe swap his cherished library of books for some leg-warmers and an old Jane Fonda aerobics tape on Ebay (feel the burn) ! How about giving his students his mobile phone number? Or I could sow the carpet in his car with alfalfa seeds and give it a water ... (blooming marvellous). Perhaps super glue-ing the dog's lips onto his in the middle of the night would do the trick? I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS! (Please make them worthy of a folk song "The Ballad of Instant Jim and How I Did Him In.")

Hmph. Well, he's gone and done it now 'cause I'm NOT HAPPY.

And if I'm not happy - AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY!!