It has begun! The little, sneaky, late-night purchases are starting to turn up on my doorstep wrapped in brown paper!

Yes. Ebay.

In the real world that is how Instant Jim got his name. He wants it, he has to have it NOW! But then he discovered EBay. You know, that is like giving a chainsaw to a maniac. He reckons he is an E WARRIOR going into E BATTLE! So he bids on an item and jousts with his opponent over the key board at midnight. These are the fighting hours!

Must be a male thing. But can you imagine all the E Bay Warriors e-battling in their tracksuits and jammies, pot-bellied and flaccid, slurping on warm drinks in their slippers? They are the real men with wild instincts! Just give them a ninety-nine cent starting bid and they will rip it to shreds with their teeth and drink the blood, too!

HEY GIRLS, COME AND GET YOUR HUNKA HUNKA BURNIN' LOVE!!!!!

Eventually he'll stumble up to bed all bleary-eyed mumbling about one cent CDs, and how there's only seven hours twenty two minutes left on that book. And he's back again first thing in the morning at the computer, and even rings me from work with updates, LIKE I AM INTERESTED!!!

Maybe I can auction off his parcels as lucky dips, or mystery prizes to get our money back before he comes home? Two can play the sneak game!