$5.95 for a magazine?! That's outrageous!! But every now and then I get one for my Mum so she can have a change from watching actors on the TV all day, to reading about them instead. It makes it more cerebral.

I'm sucking on a lollypop and I have reached the stage where, if you swivel it around your mouth, it shaves off your tastebuds. I'm fighting pain here, people.

So far in the opening page ads I have flicked past Eva Longoria's helmet hair, Sharon Stone's pixellated skin, Andie MacDowell's turkey gobbler, and Catherine Zeta Jones' plump pale arms! Phew! Made it to the index! Let's see, what do we want to read about, ? Jennifer Aniston's race with Brad to see who has the best life? No? It has crazy wedding rumours ... OK, how about Hugh um er sorry Grant ( ..wait a tick .. flick flick flick flick flick ) .. he says "I must have children, I think I would be a delightful father."

DO NOT LET HUGH GRANT BREED !!! (New campaign.)

Well, there must be something blog-worthy. Found it! It's Brooke Shields "my new baby and my fight with Tom Cruise"! Now this sounds good. She's so huge and tall and he's so little and tiny ...... could be VISUALLY SPECTACULAR - after all, someone needs to sock a bit of sense into that man, why shouldn't it be the Brookster? Break your nails, honey! She has beaten depression and now Tom is next!

Do you reckon Katie Holmes looks a bit like Brooke? From the side she does. Hmm. And do you think Keith Urban looks like a scruffy, grungier Tom Cruise with blonde tips? HMMMMMMMMM.

Maybe they are all inbred?

Gasp!

Maybe they are Hugh Grant's children?!


* This is getting too intellectual for me. I need to apply a pressure bandage to my tongue, anyway.