Dear Readers,

Kids suck. They really do, and I am going to get my revenge.

I am going to get that chocolate hedgehog slice out of the fridge (ex-staffroom, magnaminously allotted to my children by me) and stomp on it STOMP STOMP STOMP and grind it into dust and little squidgy bits with the heel of my Foot of Vengeance. Then, I am going to pick it up daintily, by the corners of its plastic wrapping, and drop it into the bin - PLOP! - from a great height above my head as I smile serenely.

MWA HA HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!

Call it petty-minded. Call it mean! I call it fun and righteous judgement! Unfortunately, the Three Little Pigs are away at school (last day before two weeks' holiday) and so I won't have an audience. However, dog is inside, so I'll let him watch. He's nice.

We were running late this morning, and the Third Little Pig proceeded to chuck a tantrum because I turned off the TV and he DIDN'T GET TO WATCH HIS FAVOURITE COMMERCIAL. Then, after I had locked up, I had to go back inside again with him because he hadn't even done his teeth ... But imagine my delight when I looked in the fridge and discovered he had not packed his piece of chocolate hedgehog slice !

So as the neighbours tut-tutted and we drove away, all the nasty, unacceptable comments made by that little grumble-bum (that I detected with my super sonic sonar) just bounced off me!

"Your bullets cannot harm me", I thought to myself, "My wings are like a shield of steel!"

Where is Karate when you need Karate?

And then I had a little Hugo A-Go-Go moment, dear readers, yes I did, as I formulated my dastardly, brilliant revenge!

All that chocolate - goodbye!
All those little biscuit bits inside - goodbye!
All that sugary, sticky icing on top - goodbye!

HEY!

REVENGE IS SWEET !!