I FEEL LIKE A BIG PILE OF DOG-DO RIGHT NOW.
No, I'm not saying I'm wanting a bit of 'steaming coil' to eat (though I've seen the Japanese French Iron Chef, Hiroyuki Sakai, dish up similar looking things) rather I INHABIT THE VERY ESSENCE OF DOG-DOEY-NESS.
Bum.

"GOOD NEWS!" said the email message last night.
Immediately I thought "Uh oh".

Isn't it funny how some people's good news is your worst nightmare?? It's like those people who actually look forward to football season, or summer or both; it's like weirdos who enjoy having dental work because of all the nifty gadgetry. It's like someone enthusing over how Tom Cruise and David Hasselhoff are releasing an album of duets together with that geek from Dawson's Creek doing the back-up vocals.

And do you know what, dear readers? All I could do at the time of this maleficent email (apart from immediately stop playing 'groove is in the heart' on my bass while watching My Name is Earl) was to think to myself " M U S T - G E T - T O - M Y - B L O G ..."

You are such understanding, sweet, little people. I love my fans.
sniff*

Anyway. Here is the word that will strike fear into your hearts:
..."INLAWS."

And here are the next two thoughts that I had:

1. Where can I run to? Mexico is too far.
2. I better start cleaning the house now.

They are arriving in December from England.

All of them.

Plus my sister-in-law and her husband and kid.

......Maybe I could volunteer to be the "tonight's ingredient" on The Iron Chef and Chen Kenichi could just be done with it and dice me up and chuck me into his fried rice? Or Michiba could demonstrate carbon- neutral cooking and finely slice me into strips of sashimi and serve me up with a lotus blossom. Yoo hoo! Chairman Kaga! I'm over here!

SAVE ME, DEAR READERS, SAVE ME!!!!!!!

Clark? Lois? Earl? Astroboy? Someone? ....................