HOW TO GET OUT OF DEBT AND INTO A BIKINI

You won't find the answers here. Look, I tried, dear readers, I tried for the benefit of you all to gain this crucial information but 'the category' was blocked by the parental-control-filter on my computer. (Surprising, since it was from a news network homepage.) I suppose 'bikini' is classed as a naughty word.

And I don't think it was another Anna Nicole story. (How many people have everyone fighting over their body even after they've carked it?!) Still, her cinematic life certainly offers one way to achieve a bikini

lifestyle. Fergie did the same (the Princess/Duchess not the Fergalicious). Except she ended up "broke" again .................. though royally flushed enough to be able to lie around on banana lounges, poolside, having her toes sucked.

Of course the assumption is that people want to get out of debt and into a bikini.

Well, I don't get that in the first place.

After all, they're just glorified knickers and bras! Apparently the rule is "unless you can see the water, it is underwear" which explains why bikinis and "budgie smugglers" are not considered appropriate attire in the House of Parliament. Canberra is kilometres inland!

As for me, I prefer to go for boardies and a rashy if I'm swimming at the beach, which I never do, so mostly I look like Gidget's 'friend in a tent' Larue, complete with big hat. I should sing telegrammes while I'm down there. Make a few bucks. Get out of the red.

Perhaps we get out of debt by getting onto Bikini - the French island that has all been nuked to pieces by the Yanks when testing their weapons of mass destruction in the 1960s? I suppose a radioactive atoll could theoretically be classed as a tax haven - who's going to come and get you? ? I doubt they'd have a McDonalds and so your ability to fit into that itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot garment is more likely to eventuate there, though pieces of you may periodically start to glow and drop off.

Actually, people were cavorting around in bikinis yonks before Louis Reard took out the modern patent in 1946. I bet he's rich.

Yeah! Thousands of years ago in Crete there were cretins everywhere in bikinis! And then there are the famous mosaics of Piazza Armerina in Sicily which show pre-peroxide historical babes captured for all time in a seriously bad swimwear collection which makes us ask "Why even try when you don't have nylon elastane?" Quite a happening place though, Piazza Armerina, check out this wardrobe malfunction:
Is it just me or does he bear a striking resemblance to Justin Timberlake?

Sorry. I know, dear readers, you are all waiting for me to somehow stumble upon the recipe for debt free bikininess: but I've told you already: we won't find the answer here today.

I guess for now I will have to remain in debt and decent.
Keep away from my toes.