anonymous jones

Dedicated to the nicheless and the nameless ... fringe-dwellers of the madding crowd (does that sound pretentious enough?..)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


Celebrity cellulite !!! Who can resist it?! Just love it!! Spotty, wrinkly stars!! Who can resist stars without make-up?! SHOW ME A WOMAN WHOSE ENDORPHIN LEVELS DO NOT SUDDENLY SPIKE WITH JOY AT A PICTURE OF KATIE HOLMES LOOKING LIKE A GARGOYLE IN A BIKINI ,SHOWING OFF A WOBBLY CAULIFLOWER BOTTOM !!! Haven't found a pic of that yet, but stay tuned, dear readers, stay tuned.

Sumo wrestlers: Hollywood sit up and take notes. These guys (and gals) have everything, don't they? Sport, fame AND fat. You've gotta love that! Heard of the child obesity epidemic? Sumo plot. They're gonna rule the world.
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Unfortunately, cellulite photos of well-known Westerners have copyrights that are more jealously guarded than Angelina does Brad, and are difficult to blog. Luckily, no-makeup pictures are far more abundant - probably because cellulite photo oppurtunities tend to happen in a flash (but Britney is good place to start!) You've got to be quick with the zoom lens and have lucky lighting, whereas once you spot a celeb with no make-up, it's pretty easy to set your mobile phone camera on burst and get a good shot.
Eva Longoria

Sigh* I've got a warm, sunshiney feeling just thinking about it!

'Cellulite' is not a medical word. It is a marketing term coined in European spas and salons (that's why you sometimes hear the pronunciation 'celluleet') and made popular in an industry book in 1973. Shonky 'treatments' and advice have sucked in millions and their money since then. Let's face it: all women have it and it is normal and historical and not some kind of "fat gone wrong" - full of toxins and gunk that need to be purged. In fact, it's actually good because it stores fat away from vital organs, plus it helps you to make it to Day 39 on Survivor without eating your tribe members. I've seen toddler girls with cellulite! Biologically, it is normal. YOU ARE A FREAKISH MUTANT IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY! So that explains the Olsen Twins ........

Make-up, however, does have a long history in human civilization e.g the guy-liner those Pharoahs used around their eyes. (Even their metrosexual mummies wore it!)

But what's better: a good celebrity bum-dumpling photo, or an AAAGH-My-Eyes-Are-Melting make-up-less moment? Poor Goldie Hawn.
Oh the comfort we are afforded from all those saggy, puffy, acned, blotchy faces in Tinsel Town.


mmmmmm .... there's that sunshiney feeling again .....

Now, I need to remember a few worthy sub-headings. The first is Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong.
Liz Hurley with Donatella Versace.
(Liz thinking: Must age gracefully, must age gracefully.. )

The second is before and after computer re-touching/manipulation. They now offer this with school photos, did you know? Isn't that a worthy use of technology? The ultimate in zit-zapping!
Unfortunately for Tinkerbell, not even Photoshop could help.

We could all learn something from the Japanese and how their culture glorifies wibbly wobbly dimply bits, and how they venerate their elders: This is the cure for cellulite!
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Employing an ancient Japanese tradition, here is my commemorative Hollywood haiku for this post:

beautiful people
celebrity cellulite
butt ugly faces

Pick your favourite star and have a go! (First line, five syllables; second line, seven syllables; third line, five syllables.) Write about any aspect you like and share it with us!

(The de-toxing effect is marvellous and you will look and feel years younger!)

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5 Comments:

At 8:22 PM, Blogger Angie said...

Britney scares me without her makeup. Well, anymore she just scares me! Good hearing from you Jones.

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Makeupless starlets
Flashbulbs highlighting wrinkles
Damn, they look like me!

 
At 5:45 AM, Blogger pilgrimchick said...

I have seen reems of magazine pages dedicated to exposing famous people with cellulite, and apparently, it is just as much of a problem for the 90 pound supermodel as it is for someone carting a little extra. Well, someone must be reading it.

 
At 1:23 AM, Blogger DPTH International said...

It's nice to see that celebraties are ugly people too.

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

Hey. Thanks for your comment on my blog.

In response, I do have miraculous gifts the same as in the New Testament and I didn't need a survey to figure them out. But it was interesting to see that the man-made survey did actually match up with what I had learnt about myself through living life.

God bless,
Lauren

PS... Do I know you?

 

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