OK SO ARE YOU HAPPY NOW??

Fluffy bunnies, cutesy wutesy, happy and peppy, peachy keen, sunshiny, warm and fuzzy ...THESE ARE SOME OF THE RIDICULOUS SEARCHES I UNDERTOOK FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE, DEAR READERS! I can't believe how much time I spent doing that, I'm bloody angry about it and who knows what kind of copyright infringements I might have blundered over. Stupid vague copyright laws. Oh, and a little tip, unless you want to wade through half a million pictures of Asian girls who think they are something else, don't google an image search for 'sweet and pretty'!

Nothing but thoughtful, self-sacrifice and catering to public demands here! I suppose you deserve it in a way after those two most recent CONTROVERSIAL posts of mine; so that was your non-condescending reward, dear little readers.
Sigh* I'm getting all teary and feeling like doing a thank-you-speech to myself now ...

Snottites. No, I'm not calling anyone names and I'm not here just to entertain you; expect to be educated as well! So, what are snottites? Yes they are real and here is a picture of some:

Snottites are kind of like stalactites ('tites go down, mites go up') but they are much better because they are grosser and more entertaining since they wobble and are slimy. Who doesn't like that?! EXTREMOPHILES (see pic below) are what they are made of; so-called because they live in extreme habitats where other organisms cannot. (I think I've met them..) Snottites can be found in all sorts of spooky caves and sewerage systems. You may have one or two around the house. Extremophiles are fun little buggers because they are neither plant nor animal (the jury is out) so, like viruses, they just get to cause a lot of mischief with very few consequences. (I wonder if Little Pig number three is a virus of sorts?)

(Hmm. He does have green stuff stuck to him like that ..) This is all sounding very familiar.

Anyway that's it. I've done my duty for the day! Got to make use of my expensive education, somehow...

Want to know a guaranteed way to annoy 99% of people? (Did I have to ask?!)

This one works for me, just say: "I think the Beatles are mediocre and over-rated." That usually does the trick!

Now, dear readers, you may ask why would we want to know a guaranteed way to annoy 99% of people? The answer, of course, being that it is fun!

So if the Beatles (ho hum) are, in reality, so deplete of worth, why has Paul McCartney become a living 'National Treasure' to the Poms? Obviously
it's because THEY THINK THE BEATLES ARE NOT MEDIOCRE OR OVER-RATED. (But they are English, so that is a pretty good excuse, and so is donkey voting. By donkeys.) How about the rest of the world, though? Well, all I can put it down to is the Emperor's New Clothes Syndrome where someone said it, so someone else repeated it and so on and so forth, no one willing to actually say anything otherwise.
Ee aw.

AM I CHALLENGING YOU TOO MUCH, SWEET READERS? First it is wine, then it is the Beatles ..... can you cope with these new concepts? ?

By the way, regarding Heather Mills' wife-bashing allegations against Sir Paul, like Rove pointed out on channel ten last night, this man has been a vegetarian for, like, sixty years or something, so there is not a lot of iron-action going on in the red corpuscles there. He probably packs about as much punch as an old, limp lettuce leaf! Oh, but Rove did do a funny sketch about Macca hitting her with her own wooden leg saying "Stop kicking yourself! Stop kicking yourself!". Ah, yes it's fun to laugh at other peoples' expense. daed si luaP. daed si luaP.

It's true. I do think that radical thing about the Beatles. "Oh but they were so original, they came up with so many new things blah blah blah". Their music is mostly (to use an English idiom) "naff". They were just in the right place at the right time. For example, given the right place and the right time, I could assume my natural position as The Supreme Potentate and Ruler of The World. Still waiting. Mind you, the Beatles only lucked-out that they achieved what they did while they were all still alive (though perhaps not all quite here ...). Take a look at poor old Van Gogh! He would have gladly given a bit more of his ear to enjoy his artistic fame while he was on the same side of the ground as those sunflowers!

I'm the sort of person who can see good in everyone. Have you noticed that about me? I am, dear readers, and I have such a capacity for generosity with my opinion!! So is it any surprise that I can see the good EVEN IN THE BEATLES? I can, you know. There is one song that I absolutely applaud and I will give you a little clue and see if you can guess: it has a certain notoriety because of it's unfortunate connection with Charles Manson. Got it? Yes, it is Helter Skelter and I think it's the only decent song they ever made. And they churned 'em out, let's face it. "Imagine" - sappy. "Eleanor Rigby" - maudlin. "Yellow Submarine" - proves my point. "Crazy Frog" - genius!

People don't like hearing the truth and that annoys them. People don't like a voice that speaks against the status quo and that annoys them. People leave their parsley garnish on the plate and that really annoys me. Conclusion: people are dumb, have no taste in anything, and don't know what is good for them.

Lucky I'm here, I guess!




Leave your opinion:
What do you think is the MOST stupid Beatles song ever??
(Naked donkeys please refrain from commenting.)
Monkees welcome.

grapes-of-wrath

DON'T PANIC!!! (Written in large, friendly pink letters) I'M BACK FROM MY HOLIDAY !!!
And I am full of wrath for those dear little grapes in our southern wine-growing region, esteemed readers, I'm full of wrath!

"Free us, kind lady," they would call to me from under the scum inside those stinking barrels of putrescence, "set us free...!" But what can one do at 120 km/hr in a Hyundai Getz on a country road with savage cows at the farm gate? And there were just too many crying for liberty; vineyard after vineyard; if I helped one I'd have to help all, wouldn't I ?! Don't think it was an easy thing to do - just leaving them there! How do you think I felt?? All those accusing branches of the bare, pruned vines JUST POINTING AT ME and beckoning me. I'm all for grape liberation, dear readers, but I cannot do it alone!

My sister's boyfriend/partner/de facto/nice wedding hater is a wine snob. They do the vineyard taste tours and buy what he approves of. I have noticed that certain people in society think they will attain a higher degree of personal 'quality' if they can spit wine in buckets and compose a sonnet about its decomposition afterwards. But, as I always like to point out, who actually likes the stuff the very first time they taste it ???

Yes, you may have gathered by now that I don't drink alcohol. That's because it is GROSS. And I'm not limiting myself to wine here, dear readers, oh no: beer gets the thumbs down, too, and, in fact, I think it is slightly more revolting than wine because not only does it taste like something a toddler vomitted up and left in the sun, but it smells like B.O., also! THESE BEVERAGES ARE JUST SO DISGUSTING and I am not going to forcibly 'acquire' the liking for it; they are wholly foul and detestable! I'm not going to comply to be more socially acceptable, either. So there. Now, you may disagree and have your own views, of course. But please don't try and convince me about wine's health properties, because red grape juice has exactly the same flavenoids or polyphenols PLUS it lacks the alcohol, which is a tumour growth-promotant among other things. (Just so you know.)

But what do I do with all the obscenely expensive bottles of wine and champagne that Instant Jim's rich, private school mummies and daddies give to him at the end of the year??? (These people are the MEGA MEGA rich!) Well, mostly pour them down the sink. (Though, I have kept a couple aside in my bird-flu stockpile to be used as topical disinfectant for wounds and savage cow bites.) Instant Jim would like bottles of cordial far better. Imagine the good stuff that could be made with those swanky grapes!

I do fancy being a Grape Liberator (with my own theme song). I could have a cape! And I'd charge up to the cellar doors on my Andalusian stallion like Zorro, climb onto the roof, lower myself down through a skylight, chuck ice into the vats, leave some pamphlets and intense protest poetry, then deftly cut my initials swish ! swish! swish! onto the door with my sword before turning in a swirl of dust and galloping away again!

Applications are now open for my Side-Kick. Must have Ninja cow-
fighting skills.

grapes-of-wrath
Originally uploaded by anonymous jones.