Yep, I've hit the choccy already and it's not even 11a.m.

So, to cheer myself up, I will also flick through a magazine to see how miserable the "Enhanced Ones" are. And don't try and tell me you don't feel a tiny morsel of delight when you see 'stars without makeup' with REAL LIFE CELEBRITY PIMPLES after we have all been made to feel hopelessly inadequate by their publicity machines!

Sometimes dear readers, I hate to say it, but you can be very prematurely judgemental. Oh, go on get huffy then, click the back button or the next-blog button. But I'm in a stink today and if you stay then you are going to have to put up with it! Everyone's a primadonna.

Oh looky look. There's Brad Pitt on the front cover with a silly hat, smiling and looking increasingly more like John Denver with his chipmunk cheeks. Inside a celebrity wedding ... wannabe celebrity more like. Oh, and lovely Gwyneth with little bubby Apple and another on the way. It's so macrobiotically perfect.

AAgh! Yuk. David Beckham - his jacket looks like he borrowed it from Posh. Hmm, maybe he did, he does wear blue nail polish. Poor ol' Liz Hurley and Teri Hatcher, which has the more stringy and emaciated, sunken cheeks? Teri. Eek, a bare bum, what's that for? Blah blah total body tan. Tans are so passe. "OH this season's hot new tip is the beef jerky look !"

Are there no articles?! Wait - here's a very cerebral one on celebs and plastic surgery. Goodness, Rob Lowe reckons he's au naturale, so I guess he didn't steal his chin from Michael Jackson after all. Sharon Stone says "I'm not afraid of ageing". Ah huh. That's the going line. Desperate Housewives, red carpet/red face. Gasp! Xena (aka Lucy Lawless) has gone blonde. Oh, she's living in the Hollywood Hills, so that explains it. I hear it's some kind of clause.

No........ nope.......hang on ............ no. Disappointing.
I can confirm that there is no one as interesting as me in there.