Having babies is a competitive sport.
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Now usually it is generally held that, out of the genders, the male of the species is the most competitive. Not so. Hang around any primary school before the bell goes for home time and you will get the latest scores on who has the most kids, who had the longest labour/shortest labour/most difficult labour, worst kids, best kids, biggest bump, most nightmarish hospital stories, the quickest time for potty training etc etc.

A case in point: heavily pregnant mum at school last week due on the Thursday. I saw her on Monday this week, still undelivered. Didn't see her Tuesday, but saw her yesterday which was WEDNESDAY with a new little baby all swaddled up. Now that's just showing off. But it's a new school record!! Oh, and this is baby number five, too. No doubt by next week she will be svelte and wearing lycra and booking her cover girl shoot with Women's Weekly. Or maybe she'll manage to squeeze it in for this Friday.


Now, if she holds the shortest record for confinement, then I am sure I hold the longest ! Yes, dear readers, if there was an Olympic event for women-who-stayed-in-hospital-after-birth-though-nothing-was
-wrong-with-them-and-just-because-it-was-the-closest-thing-to
-a-holiday-they-were-likely-to-have-for-a-long-time-and-besides
-they-really-thought-the-food-was-great-since-someone-else
-cooked-it-and-waited-on-them, then I'd be the winner! Seven days of resort lifestyle! Ahh the bliss. I love those bendy straws! (But those nurses could have been a bit more helpful with the sun tan oil.)

Now I wonder, do you ever get the feeling that the competition is in overdrive for celebrities? Who is winning at the moment: Mia Farrow, Madonna or Angelina Jolie?? I've lost track. Think it's still Mia - but are all her adopted kids from the same place or does she have an international variety because that counts. Of course, speaking of Angelina, she is actually doing quite well in all the stakes since now she is having twins - which is worth bonus points and narrows the field to an elite group of contenders. But I definitely think Posh still holds the cup for Most Gaunt Most Soon After Birth, though Nicole Richie runs a close second (No, Angie you are disqualified from that one at the moment, remember?). And Mrs Mel Gibson holds the biological numbers record with seven (and all from one marriage which is certain to be another record in Hollywood!) Robyn Gibson is like one of those Olympic Athletes at the end of the Games with a multitude of medals thick around her neck.

Sigh*

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Well, I have my own bronze, silver and gold and before fights start, let me just say that those places are interchangeable and everyone gets a turn!

Where's a nurse when you need her?

I need help with the banana lounge.